From the desk of Sarah K. Butterfield: On a personal note
Unmet expectations and trusting in the slow work of God
We’d been watching the tide charts obsessively, so when there was a killer low tide, we packed up our family, my sister’s family, my brother, and my parents and headed to our favorite tide pool spot in San Diego. It was the day after Christmas, and a quick look around the rocky beach revealed who was visiting from out-of-state (wearing T-shirts) and who was local (appropriately bundled up against the 60 degree weather).
The surfers were out in full force, but the marine animals were not. We saw a few hermit crabs and a sea anemone, but no sea hares in sight and definitely not an octopus to be found. We kept stepping along the rocks, peering into the tide pools, poking at things under the water. Not much to be found, but it was hard to be too disappointed surrounded by the cliffs, the waves, and the pelicans flying overhead.
I had high hopes starting 2023. I was starting a new full-time job at my church, which I loved. My agent was pitching my book proposal. I had just launched my first digital course. I had revived my Etsy shop for the pure fun of it. My spring speaking calendar was full.
I expected life to keep humming along in much the same way it had, not really taking into account how going from not-working to working full-time might involve some adjustments. I didn’t foresee the amount of intentionality that would have to go into what once came rather effortlessly.
There came a string of small disappointments, some that hit me suddenly and some that dawned gradually. A major publisher passed on my book. I stopped booking speaking engagements because I couldn’t keep up. My course didn’t sell. I bumped up into my own limitations as a working mom in painful ways.
If I’ve learned anything this year, I’ve learned to honor my own capacity. I’ve had to let go of things I once thought would bring great meaning to my life and lean into the joy of my present calling. I’m learning to stop fighting my limitations—to see them “as the entrance into the good life, not what bars [me] from it.”1 I’m learning to be more intentional with pouring into the things, and people, that matter most.
Standing at the edge of the ocean, watching my kids and their cousins play around the water, I was struck by just how much beauty surrounded us. Nearby, my husband’s persistence paid off: with some effort, he flipped over a flat rock and discovered a bunch of brittle sea stars, including the largest one we’d ever seen!
The years come and go, just like the tides. They are filled with disappointments, and they are filled with beauty. We bring our expectations, our baggage, our hopes and dreams into the new year, longing for renewal, restoration, and redemption. We trust that God is working behind the scenes, in that slow way of His, leading us forward as kingdom-builders in the grand story He is writing.
Something I wrote: The Best Books I Read and Loved in 2023 - I had so much fun putting this together, but it was hard to narrow it down from the 59 titles I read this year! If you have any fiction recommendations for me, please tell me in the comments because I’m in a bit of a slump right now :)
Something I read and loved: Jugglers and Door-Holders, Far As the Curse is Found, by
. Advent and Christmas may be over, but the truths in this essay are exactly what I needed to carry into the new year!Something I listened to: I took some time to get all caught up on podcasts I love, and this one, called “Serious about fun” with Catherine Price on the Everything Happens podcast, was so great! I’ve picked up knitting again (quiet fun) but I’d love to add more fun into the mix this year.
Something I’m cooking: Our New Year’s Eve tradition is homemade sushi, but for the rest of the year, we are big fans of sushi bowls like this one. (I would omit the radishes and use a short grain white rice instead of brown, but this recipe is totally customizable according to taste!)
This printable Daily Prayer and Reflection Journal is perfect to use at the start of a new year! Print out one for each day: each template has space to record a Bible verse, a prayer, three moments of joy and delight, and a reflection question about the presence of God in your day. Available in my Etsy shop for 30% off with code NEWYEAR24.
As a thank you for reading and sticking with me, the code applies to everything in the shop!
Until next time,
From A Spacious Life, by Ashley Hales, p. 32
Thanks for sharing honestly about disappointments last year. So often, people only share the successes, and it feels like I’m the only for whom things don’t always work out.
I started a part time job last April, with high hopes, and it hasn’t worked out and I’m looking (again) for another job. But I feel guilty admitting that it hasn’t worked out. I’m almost forty. And although I’m married with four kids and that part of life is great, I still haven’t figured out a job for myself. 😔
Yes, to all this. Understanding that embracing our limitations is not giving up or giving in, rather it is a journey to live well the life we actually have. Learning to accept and live with limitations instead of fighting against them has been a gift in my own life.